Getting a Teammate to Leave

Acts 15:36-39 And after some days, Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are." Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylisa and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so they separated from each other.

Let me begin by saying that I long for the day when God will move people from one place to another because:

1. Their personal growth (either spiritual or skill) has been accomplished and they are now prepared for their next assignment.  
2. The purpose for their work within the team has been accomplished.
3. The celebration of one or both of the above is a good thing.

Often, a leader's exit isn't as celebratory as the organization makes it look.

I am sad to say that, after over 20 years in ministry and work, I am straining to remember an experience like this. While I certainly have experienced public celebrations of people "moving on," most times I am privy to what has gone on behind the scenes. I know that everyone is just trying to put a good face on a problematic set of events. Now I know that this is sometimes inevitable, but does it always have to end like this? I lament over this situation every time I see or experience it.

We Can't Use Scripture as a Scapegoat
 

I know of one pastor with whom I served who used the scripture above to justify his benign response to another leader's leaving his ministry. He continued to refer to this scripture multiple times, over many leaders' exits. Instead of looking inward for the ultimate reason he was loosing his leaders, he found comfort in the fact that the apostle Paul got into a disagreement with Barnabas. He, like many pastors, thinks that somehow this is how God really designs how He moves people around. I would challenge anyone who puts stock in this kind of thinking.

"While God does use negative events to accomplish His purposes, He did not design things this way." 

While God does use negative events to accomplish His purposes, He did not design things this way. In reality, He is subjecting Himself to use man's inevitable sin. While many, if not most, pastors would agree with this theology, most would rather connect with the behavior of Paul and Barnabas. It is just easier and takes less time. Even so, there will come a time in your leadership life when it will become evident that a change is needed on your team. 

When to Know If a Change is Needed

There are two distinct kinds of circumstances in which you may need and be able to affect personnel change.

1. You have authority over the person. This is hired staff in churches and employees in business.
2. The people are volunteers. They can be your equals in authority as volunteer teammates, OR they are followers of your established and assigned leadership.

Each of these situations calls for a unique set of behaviors by their leader. However, might I suggest two courses of action that you can take at the beginning of each case.

1. Plan on taking more time than you would like to address the situation. Then figure on doubling that. 
2.  Focus on the person's strengths and gifts. In most cases, the problem is that the person's strength is not being used or just can't be used to its fullest potential.

When the leader and the person in question come to agree on the use of strengths and gifts, only then can a good plan of separation and celebration be implemented. If you do the above, I believe you will rarely have to "fire" someone, not even mentally. Sometimes, terminating someone is the only choice. However, don't terminate someone to feed your need to demonstrate your power and authority. Your sinful nature might celebrate, but only for a few days. 

"When the leader and the person in question come to agree on the use of strengths and gifts, only then can a good plan of separation and celebration be implemented."

Help Others Develop to their Full Potential
 

Some time ago, a certain team called me to help them through a problematic situation. The more I studied the problem and talked with participants, the more evident it became that one member was not a good fit. That person had godly intentions but just did not fit the environment. 

Instead of simply recommending this person's dismissal, I met with the person several times and coached the person through their perspective and beliefs about the organization's needs. Eventually, this person concluded that moving on was necessary, knowing that their expertise was not going to be used to it fullest potential. 

Do you have someone that is not working out well? You trying to develop a plan for their exit? Try the approach above and see if you both can "celebrate" in a godly way.

Maybe even Jesus would put a good face on that.

The Death of a Leader

Deuteronomy 34:5-8 And Moses the servant of the Lord died there in Moab, as the Lord had said. He buried him in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is. Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone. The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.

A few weeks ago a leader died in Burnsville, Minnesota. His name was Bob Emanuelson. Bob was a godly man with a godly wife. The two of them raised 6 children during the 70’s and 80’s and, like many parents, had to deal with the challenges of these times. Bob was an even-tempered, kind, and loving person. He told his kids and grandchildren, “I not only love you, but I like you.” Bob was a knowledgeable and skilled businessman. He was an avid fisherman, loving his lake like it was one of his offspring. He gave much of himself to the church as well. At the ripe old age of 81, God called him home. 

"Oh that we might be mourned like Moses--And Bob."

I knew Bob for 40 years yet I only saw him occasionally when our family ties would bring us together at Bob’s family cabin in northern Minnesota. Years ago, my sister married Bob’s son, and through this marriage I occasionally had time to talk with Bob when our paths would cross up north. 

"I never knew a man who listened as well as Bob did, and who, at the same time, was so interesting to listen to. What a gift!"

Yet, even though I did not see him often, I cherished the times I got to talk with him. Why? Because listening to him was so interesting. Even if the subject was something as boring as what lure he used to catch big walleyes, he had an incredible ability to draw every listener into the subject at hand with his own stories and how he chose to tell them. Yet in the end, his interest in what others had to say dominated the direction of the conversation. I never knew a man who listened as well as Bob did, and who, at the same time, was so interesting to listen to. What a gift!

The Legacy of a Leader

Even though distance often makes it legitimately impossible for us to attend loved ones’ funerals, when Bob died, there was no deciding on whether or not to go. We drove the 400 miles to Bob’s wake and funeral. At the end of the evening of the wake, an unusual thing happened. Bob’s wife, their children, most of their 29 grandchildren and 21 great grandchildren, extended family and some friends formed a circle, and for over one hour, they gave testimony to him as a father, a grandfather, a friend and a husband. Everyone had a eulogy that needed to be expressed. There were many tears and laughter in this celebration of his earthly life. The celebration continued the next day, when at his funeral, hundreds came to pay their respects.

I know that Bob was not a “Moses.” He did not lead tens of thousands of people to a promise land. However, Bob was a leader, a family model, still guiding his family through their grief over him in the last weeks of his life. One day, not knowing if he had days or weeks to live, he ask one of his sons if the son was going to be OK. Bob thought of others until the day he died. While Moses’ weaknesses were written for all to see, Bob’s weaknesses remain unknown to me. God called Moses home when his strength still remained. Bob’s strength slowly escaped from his body till he died. However, I sense that even now, about 30 days later, memories of his leadership still remain a model for even a distant friend like me to covet.

What Will Our Leadership Legacy Be?

Friends, how long will our leadership be missed and mourned? 3 days? 30 days? Years? Will our leadership even be missed and mourned, or will some celebrate the absence of our lording over them?

Oh that we might be mourned like Moses—and Bob.

When Leaving, Take the High Road

Proverbs 16:16 The highway of the upright turns aside from evil; whoever guards his way preserves his life.

When a leader comes to the conclusion that he or she must leave a workplace, church, or organization, it can be one of the most difficult times in that leader’s life. Far too often, the leaving is a result of disunity instead of a celebration of some sort of spiritual or professional accomplishment. I yearn for the day when we leaders can be routinely sent off to God's next assignment with mutual encouragement, not frustration or regret. However, that doesn’t happen often. For this reason, I am going to share with you some tips regarding how you can leave when things on your team are not well. 

"I yearn for the day when we leaders can be routinely sent off to God's next assignment with mutual encouragement, not frustration or regret."

1. Tell the truth in love.
2. Don't revile (speak abusively) about any person or organization.
3. Let others decide on their own what they must do.

Telling the Truth

Telling the truth is not easy. It is so much easier to lie, or to tell a half-truth. In doing so, folks can bypass the stress of potential relational conflict. The problem is that when you lie, you forfeit growth opportunities that come from the conflict of completely working things out. When you commit to tell the truth, it should cause you to examine any personal offense that you are experiencing because of the conflict to determine if, in fact, it is worth verbalizing. If it is not, then you should re-evaluate why you think you must leave. Maybe you shouldn't leave. Maybe you should just overlook these issues and stay.

Avoiding Reviling   

Secondly, many of us feel that we need some sort of validation or sympathy from others when we leave. Therefore, falling into temptation to cultivate those feelings isn’t very hard. Indeed, in order to get validation and sympathy, some turn to bashing their bosses, their co-workers, or even their church and its members.

Reviling your former boss or team members will only satisfy the flesh in us for a few moments. If there is any fruit of the Spirit in us at all, regret will follow our actions. Sometimes regret begins within weeks; sometimes it takes years, but it will follow. Once regret gets a hold of you, it is really hard to shake loose. The longer it takes to say we are sorry, the longer regret has its way with us.

Letting Others Make Decisions

Finally, don't rally the troops around you, especially if you are leaving a ministry or team at church. While there are biblical reasons to rally others along side of you, I have yet to hear of any church split over an essential of the Christian faith. I never have heard of a church fight over whether or not Jesus is the Son of God, nor if he died for our sins, nor if he really rose from the dead. Usually groups will leave the church over relational issues/ And of then these relational issues result from the inability people’s inability to discuss and debate without a real desire for God’s wisdom.

Eleven years ago, I left a church over a very serious, overt manipulation by the senior pastor. I loved that church—I still do. The majority of my spiritual growth happened at that church. However, God used that pastor's sin issue to launch a new chapter in my life. I privately told him the truth; I never spoke harshly of him since then, and did not encourage anyone else to leave, even though this was hard to do when the phone kept ringing at my home.

Years later, that pastor became terminally ill. He let very few people visit him, keeping even his own elders at bay. I asked him if I might visit him before he died, and to everyone’s surprise, he agreed.

I had a wonderful time with him over lunch. At that lunch, he lamented where things had gone wrong and apologized to me in his own special way. I still remember how his face lit up after I told him not to worry about the past, that God had provided me with another ministry to lead. I vividly remember how happy he was to hear that. One of the last things he said to me was that he was grateful that I had “taken the high road” when I left.

"I still am cognizant that the high road is not an easy road. It is a hard road."

Friends, while I don't have any regrets about how I left that church, I still am cognizant that the high road is not an easy road. It is a hard road. It is not very wide. Our flesh and the devil are partners, and they love to try to run us off this road.

So if you must leave, guard your way, and keep both hands on the wheel.

When Should Leaders Leave

Matthew 10:5, 11-14 These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions... "Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town."

The way we leave is part of how we strive to imitate Christ.

One of the most difficult times in a leader's life is the day that he or she begins to feel the need to change jobs or attend a different church. If you have experienced this personally, you can testify to how hard it was for you and your family. Generally, the days leading up to that first day, the day when you have the first inkling of a thought about leaving, have already delivered a level of stress. Add this stress to the thought of separation from friends and co-workers, and you can find yourself in a deep pit of depression and loneliness.

There is no doubt that the Bible instructs us to persevere. The word "persevere" implies that you will experience many forms of stress. This stress comes because living the Christian life is not easy, and God calls us to be strong and to practice great endurance.

Does God Condone Our Stress?

However, this exhortation would be incomplete without a picture of what God really wants for us. Does He want us to have a life of stress and trouble? If you’ve been doubting this, just look to the book of Ecclesiastes. In this scripture, which is most likely Solomon's public debate with himself about the meaning and purpose of life, He concludes with God's purpose for us: to fear God and obey His commands. In fact, Solomon notes that “this is the whole duty of man.” In addition, he repeats three times in this book how joy and contentment work together, and how that coalition is expressed in our lives.

One of these verses is Ecclesiastes 5:18 (TNIV version):

Changing jobs can lead to other stressful life circumstances.

“This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for people to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them-for this is their lot.”

The word “toilsome” implies the need for perseverance while “satisfaction” represents joy. This ecclesiastical duty of man is a great foundation to use when determining whether or not to “move on.” In addition, a closer look at our earlier scripture reference from Matthew gives us some specific clues regarding how and when a leader should consider leaving. (Please keep in mind that this article is for advanced Christian Leaders who, by God's grace, have confidence of a kingdom purpose for their lives). From my experience and study of scripture, I believe we can pinpoint four steps in this process of “leaving” that come from Jesus himself as He instructed his disciples.
 
Four Steps to Leaving From Jesus’ Example

Be sure you have the authority to do and say what you say and do. Jesus begins this chapter in Matthew by giving his disciples the power and authority to preach and heal. He tells them to take no money, for he wants them to depend on those they minister to for care. Even in the midst of stress, you need to make sure that God has granted you the authority to do what you are doing or want to do. If there are any doubts, start over.
 
Make sure your work, message, and/or ministry conform to Scripture and have a history of bearing fruit. Don't be so impressed with yourself that you think your work and/or message is good in and of itself. Look at the fruit of your work and/or message. Make sure that fruit is good.
 
You should leave when you are sure no that one is listening anymore. Jesus did not expect his disciples to stay and preach to a brick wall. If no one listens, Christ tells us that it is time to leave. In this case, it is time to fulfill your kingdom purpose elsewhere.
 
When you go, go quietly and go professionally. Our exits must reflect the "innocence" of Christ, so go like a "dove.” If you leave your church, make sure you don't cause disruption. If you leave your work, comply with any commitments or promises you made when you arrived before you walk out the door.
 
Friends, moving on is very hard. When must you go? I cannot tell you. However, a short summary of leaving wisdom would include the following:
 
Seek out God's word and purpose for your life.
 
Persevere as long as you can.
 
Leave when you know it is a must.
 
I hope you find satisfaction in your toil whether or not you must leave.

Photo courtesy of WoodleyWonderWorks.

Are You an Unhappy Leader?

Ecclesiastes 1:12-14 I, the teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

"I have seen all things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless,
a chasing after the wind" (Ecc. 1:12-14).

Recently, in my devotions, I read the scripture above and pondered Solomon's dilemma, which has to do with the unhappiness that accompanied his great wisdom. Solomon had been given a gift that most men and women would sacrifice much for. Yet he continues to lament his gift by saying,

"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief” (18). 

He continues reflecting in chapter 3:17:

“So I hated life because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me." 

 Friends, the reality is that happiness is something that comes apart from wisdom.

Solomon subsequently came to this conclusion:

"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?” (Ch 2:24)

The verse above made me reflect on my own past, my life in the mid 1990's. I wrote the following in 1996 for a small publication in Hobart, Indiana.

DATE: Sometime in November, l994
TIME: 11:00 P.M. to midnight
PLACE: Our kitchen
PRESENT: Just me

Our kitchen had only one light on, a dim one at best. I've sat and gazed out our window here before; thinking about problems at work, what we wanted to buy next, how to get ahead. After all, if I could figure it all out and follow through on a few scenarios, I'd be a happy man. RIGHT?! 

This time was different. My thoughts were not on work or what I wanted to buy. My thoughts were on me. I've lived more than half of an average man's life and have not found happiness. Why haven't I? I have three beautiful children, which so far are better than I ever was. I've been married 20 years now without any problems to speak of. I go to church all the time. Financially we are not in need. And the future looks bright. So why am I not happy? I sat there and thought. What am I missing? 

I have a cassette radio on my night stand, and for the last couple of years, I have listened to four or five tapes while trying to get to sleep at night. One of those tapes is Pastor Chuck Wheeler's personal testimony. This tape (which I've heard over 50 times) tells of his personal test of Bible reading (try reading for 30 days and see what happens). Sitting there in my kitchen I remembered his words, and I thought, "Should I try this? Why? My parents read the Bible to us all the time, I grew up in a Christian school and had Bible class every day, and I even read at the dinner table once in a while." As I finished the cigarette I was smoking, I looked at the drawer of my kitchen table. I pulled it open and stared at the Bible that was there. Should I or shouldn't I?

It is now more than a year and a half later and I'm still reading at least two times a week (more when our small group material goes fast). I shouldn't say reading; I should say studying. I spend about an hour by myself after everyone is in bed and have found it to be the most satisfying time of the week. God has used this time to reveal many things to me that I would not have known or understood. Nine months ago He helped me stop smoking. Above all, I've found in His word what I was looking for--happiness. I found it in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ through quiet time and His word.

Do I still think about work? Do I still think about things I would like to have? Sure. But now these things are not the priority of my life. Now I feel I can wait until the Lord reveals how He wants me to run the business, and when, if at all, He allows me to enjoy certain earthly pleasures.

Have you ever thought my thoughts? Are you really happy, or are you faking it?

It has been 15 years since the above experienced. Has anything changed, you ask? Yes it has. I have found my involvement in ministry and life so mentally exhausting that I find it hard to study His word; thus, I am not as happy as I should be.

Can you relate?

Grooming Your Replacement

There will come a point in your life when you will have to choose whether or not you are willing to take an initiative in reproducing yourself. Although some leadership trainers highlight this aspect of reproduction or multiplication, we all know some of us would cause more problems if we multiplied our leadership practice. Thus, before we multiply, we must first evaluate ourselves to determine whether or not it would be useful to have more than one of us around! 

"Before we multiply, we must first evaluate ourselves to determine whether or not it would be useful to have more than one of us around!" 

Might I suggest a slight difference between multiplying ourselves and helping to groom another leader? While I might be splitting hairs, I would encourage the “grooming grammar” instead of the reproduction and/or multiplication terminology. When we think of reproduction or multiplication, we tend to think of training someone to be just like us. We might end up teaching them to do exactly what we do, and this could be a scary thought for some followers!

TCL’s Leadership Development Plan

"I began to refrain from using the manager
mindset of "My way or take the highway.
When people got stressed, I began
to help them work through their problems."

One way to stay on the right track is to be strategic about your own development so you can help others. While it is simple to say you should groom your leaders to be more like Christ, diversity in leaders’ methodologies with regard to business and church organizations can make it heard to determine where to start. TCL’s plan has three phases:

1. Explore your leadership philosophy.
2. Study the Bible’s leadership theology
3. Develop a Biblical methodology.

Exploring and Studying
 
Back in 1980’s, as a young manager of about 50 workers, I sat down at my desk one day and pondered why I had such a high turnover rate among my employees. While I had terminated some, many just stopped showing up. At that time, I was a Christian, but I was very spiritually immature; I still remember one defining moment that served to boost my maturity, the moment when I realized that the problem was actually me.

Because of this, I changed my methodology. I began to refrain from using the manager mindset of “My way or take the highway.” When people got stressed, I began to help them work through their problems. If they wanted to bail, I asked them to reconsider, and I even suggested that they take a day off to make a good decision. This one simple change began to transform what people thought about me and in the level of the work they did. I now know it had something to do with patience and grace!

Hopefully, most of you are past the spiritually immature stage. However, some of you may not be. Spiritually unready people, who have a Donald Trump methodology like I use to have, I say that it is time to change. Realize where you are at and commit to grow through your own personal Bible study. Above all, be patient, and learn about leadership from God. You will know when to proceed to the next step and then into the grooming process.

Even if you are spiritually ready, there are reasons why we do not groom others.

1. We are afraid that the person we are grooming may do our jobs better than we can do, and we might loose our jobs. 
2. We have no idea that God wants to give us something bigger than what we are already doing. 

I would suggest that these reasons are not because we are spiritually weak. I would suggest that they are the result of poor leadership theology. These attitudes say something about how you believe God treats his leaders. When you don’t worry about losing your job and are readying yourself for the next assignment God is preparing for you, your theology is solid.

"It should be a relief to know we don’t have to reproduce ourselves. We just need to groom our replacements to lead like Christ!" 

 Developing a Solid Spiritual Methodology

The third phase of TCL’s leadership grooming plan is to groom your replacement with solid Biblical methodology. Now that I have studied the theology of leadership, I can better groom another leader by explaining what I learned in the 80’s about grace in managing people. I could not do that in the 80’s because I did not completely know what I was doing. 

Finally, it should be a relief to know we don’t have to reproduce ourselves. We just need to groom our replacements to lead like Christ! Many of you should set aside your fear and start doing that right now.