A Leader's Spouse and Family

Mark 3:24-25   If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.  If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 

I Timothy 3:2-5  Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task.  Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,  not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.  He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)

Not enough has been written about what goes on behind the scenes in the leaders home. However, might I suggest that more be written about the danger that goes unnoticed or unchecked. Today, I have two reminders for all leaders, but especially ministry leaders.

First, like-mindedness must permeate your home. 

Secondly, your home and family must be managed well.

In our passage from Mark, the teachers of the law had accredited Jesus' healing power to the "prince of demons", namely Beelzebub. Jesus' reply in our verse above spoke to the irony and impossibility of Satan being so effective if his own kingdom contained an equally strong view that apposed himself. Jesus then brings it down to our own level by repeating the lesson in regards to our own homes. The lesson here is that the homes of leaders must contain like-mindedness.

What goes on at home can make or break a leader.  Here are three things concerning the home that you might evaluate yourself or pass on to someone that may be helped by thinking through them.

1. Are you more interested in leading others than your own family? It is hard for us leaders to admit to but there are times when thinking about vision will consume our think time, and therefore inadvertently ignoring our home responsibilities. If our spouses aren't as excited about the vision as we are, spouses can become resentful regarding the back seat they find themselves in.

2. Spouses can feel robbed of value because the unexpected "cost" of leadership. Leadership in ministry always takes more time than what expected. If the spouse of the leader cannot support the extra time the leader will be away in extra meetings and such, things will become difficult at home. A few years ago we invited the wives to a leadership class for future elders. We invited them to help them understand the "costs" of eldership for their husbands and what the Bible required of their own character and practice. I can remember how helpful it was for them to understand the expectations of their husbands and themselves. It helped some of these leaders begin with a like-mindedness at home that was worthy of note.

Be sure your children are not in control of you!

3. The children of the leader is a reflection of the leadership of the family, and therefore an indicator of the leaders qualification to lead. Managing ones family household is a journey. Be sure your children are not in control of you. There will be many mistakes, Lord knows I have made them. However, when reviewed by others there should be a foundation of home management that overshadows some of the overt mistakes we all have made. Things "under control' should far outweigh the time when things are "out of control". Behavior that is "respectful" should far outweigh and overshadow the times they were not. Fill in the blanks with other pieces of home management. You will find that effective leaders have good things happening at home. The positives at home far outweigh the negatives. 

It has been 13 years since I have been called and committed to leadership. Within those years I can remember the times when I did not lead at home because I was so exhausted from leading others. During the last 10 years I have traveled overseas teaching in Africa 5 times with another scheduled for this November. I thank the Lord that my wife has never once complained about the "costs" of these trips or other "leadership expenses", but I know she could if she was not like-minded about how God is using me. 

Some of you out there have incredible noble thoughts and desires to participate in the advancement of the kingdom of God. However, what is needed to advance your leadership lies at home. Your family needs you and you need to lead at home first and foremost, ... then let God take the good that is going on at home and then use it to lead and bless others.

How about it? Is it time for a home improvement project?