Leaders, Know When to Hold Your Tongue

Proverbs 17: A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Zechariah 8:16  These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts;...

I am sure we can all remember the times when we have led or attended meetings, and after further review, felt we should or should not have said something in that meeting. Maybe something we said hit a nerve with someone, or maybe a key point we should have uttered might have helped. After the further review of what we might feel as failures, I suggest that the underlying cause of both of these kinds of "failures" are created by fear, ... the fear that if we do say something it might lead to more stress, or if we do not speak some truth the road that is being traveled will be very bumpy. Most of us are just not sure, if we release it to speak,  what our tongue will actually do. Is the tongue's default good or evil?



The tongue is a hard limb to tame. It wants to go it own way. James 3:8 says, "but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison".  Sounds like the default is evil. Yet James points out that this restless limb of ours is the same limb whereby we profess and praise our Savior. I wonder why the creator of the universe would accept the believer's testimony spoken from such a source of restless evil?

If no one can tame the tongue, then maybe we should all keep our mouth shut all the time? ... Never say a challenging word to one another? Hm... that is not what our second scripture verse says, does it?  On the contrary, this verse emphasizes the need not only to speak but to remain accurate with the truth, as if you are in court all the time. Have you ever embellished the truth to make a point? Have you ever stretched the truth in retaliation for what someone else said against you? Friends, in those cases we need to hold back or just hold our tongue.

What about another problem with speaking truth. How about repeating the truth too many times? Many years ago I was ministering with a colleague that I respect immensely when we got into a debate about a budget matter. Since I felt he was a weaker in financial matters I continued to debate him until he became exhausted with me and said. "OK Ron, you don' t have to hammer it home". Interestingly, even though that was over 10 years ago, I never forgot those words he said to me. I know in reality my debate that I enjoy so much can become overbearing for some and I need to be more sensitive to others. I also know that there is a fine line between the spoken truth that could overlap into others sensing judgement instead of truth. Let us bath the truth with sensitivity.

Friends, the most important principle of the tongue is restraint ... but only to a point. Just because, as our scripture states, you may look wise in the eyes of men for keeping silent, a more complete examination of the text might also reveal that silence does not always reveal the wise man, ... the text says he will only appear to be wise ... when he was really a fool for not speaking up.

We must speak the truth when we must. However, let us be very careful.

Don't be silent, just know when to hold your tongue.

 

Can All Leaders Sing?

I Corinthians 13:1b  ... but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If you have spent any time studying leadership it won't take you long to hear the expression, "Everyone is a leader".  Those who have spoken these words have noble intentions. They want to be an inspiration to people, especially if they are teaching a leadership class. By saying everyone is a leader, they hope to inspire people to be open to use a hidden talent, or underdeveloped gift. They want to help people position themselves for a discovery, and they hope that by telling them they are a leader, they can convince them to learn.

However noble, let us look at where these claims come from. I have heard this expression more in ministry circles than any other arena. Looking even closer, these are the churches who have had a growth curve that has put pressure on the current leaders, or are churches that have not grown. Those with growth curves see that there is so much to accomplish, know the growth curve cannot be sustained with the current leadership, and deep within their hearts are pleading for more people to step up to the plate and lead. Those without growth curves search for a reason for the lack of growth and sometimes come to the conclusion that more leaders are needed. In both situations, those with the responsibility of developing leaders know that they will get the excuse from people that "I am not a leader".  I would suggest to you that out of this fear, the false doctrine of "everyone is a leader" is embraced. It is easy to say, and creates an initial hope in people that is actually kind of fun for them to experience.

However, I believe it is quite damaging to the organization. Preaching that everyone is a leader is like another saying that "everyone is a singer".  Anyone who has hearing would agree that everyone is NOT a singer. We all have been near a person who thought they could sing, ... but were just making noise, annoying as a clanging cymbal. I feel sorry for some worship leaders who have to finally tell someone that wants to sing a solo they cannot.

That leads us to the nuances of the statement. In the same way everyone (with a voice) can sing, everyone does lead at some point. We all lead in the same way we "all teach". We all teach by living life, sometimes teaching people how to do things, and sometimes teaching people what NOT to do. We ALL teach, but we are NOT all teachers. Most can sing but we are not all singers, and we do lead but are NOT ALL LEADERS! As in our scripture verse above, we can begin with a basic legitimate instrument, and if improperly used, make only annoying noise. In the same way, people who are forced or convinced they can lead, but have no talent or giftedness can really make you cringe when you hear of some of the things they do.

In the introduction of my leadership seminars I try to inspire people by telling them that it is my hope they discover one of two things. I hope they discover how to be a better leader, ... if they are a true leader, OR I hope they discover that they are not a leader, to relieve them of the guilt of not leading. I then tell those who will discover they are not leaders that the seminar will not be a waste of their time. On the contrary, they will help their church or organization by not getting involved in leadership while learning how to pray and encourage those who should be. They will know better how to help a leader, or shepherd a leader, or teach a leader, ... and yes, even how to follow a leader ... depending on their own gifts.

In closing, please help the people you lead by setting many of them free from false expectations. Go back to the drawing board in your leadership development program, and focus on identifying and helping those who God is really calling to lead.

Because after all, ... all leaders can't sing.

Great Ideas & Reminders - Are They Your Epiphany?

Ecclesiastes 1: 16-17a  I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.” Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom,

Epiphany - "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something" (dictionary.com)

Recently I woke up with a rather important thought about a work experience. I had not thought about it the during the previous day or evening. The subject had become a bit more prevalent but not to the point of daily reflection.

It felt like it could have been an epiphany.  I am sure many of you have had some of these moments. These moments when you feel like you now know something that was delivered to you through a momentary illumination of reality. You feel it may not have been totally apart from your mental capacity, but not within it just yet. It came in advance of you reaching it. I believe these could be "next level" blessings of the wisdom God gives.

Real epiphanies are truth and understandings. Truth is Christ. Like my apparent epiphany, it is real easy to dismiss God as the spiritual author of these special events. Of course there is also the danger of thinking a crazy idea of your own is from God too. The first filter that I use is I ask myself a question. "How much was I thinking of this subject, and how important did I think it was at the time? If those two measurements are fairly low, then I ask myself "is there a particular personal gain that makes the reality super sweet for me?".  If that is low too it is a good sign, if it is not, that does not mean it is a bad idea, ... it just means to proceed with caution. When you are comfortable with the filters, then please join me in acknowledging the fact that we did receive them ... they are being delivered to us, from Jesus Christ, through the role of the Holy Spirit.

I believe that when one becomes a Christian, every future aspect of their natural talent and/or human wisdom becomes an experience with God. It seems to me that the whole book of Ecclesiastes is an account of the delivery of an epiphany to Solomon! As much as he tried Solomon just could not separate what he may have felt his natural wisdom could attain and the wisdom God gave him. When he tried to separate it he always realized that it became "a chasing after the wind". This was such an immense epiphany Solomon writings became 12 chapters long.

Epiphanies  are not always dramatic illuminations, they also can be dramatic reminders. I had one of those lately too. About a month ago I had a scheduled debate with a former pastor who, through his own declaration, had become an agnostic. With the acquisition of a M-Div, and over 8 years of pastoral ministry, this man somehow has succumbed to the devil's efforts (he does not believe in the devil either) and now denies the deity of Christ or that there is any deity.

This person (let's call him John) is a very intelligent person and has several other degrees in psychology. As you might imagine, the potential of this person's intelligence in the community of Christian theologians is something that the devil is very aware of. Right now it is not clear whether the devil is succeeding in damaging the faith this man already has or whether or not he is repelling a faith that he never had. Either way, the devil has won many battles. Please pray for my next "debate" with him in June.

Two hours into a four hour meeting with him I felt a dramatic reminder from God. I was enjoying immensely the "debate". It actually was the deepest conversation of my life and I was enjoying it, hoping that at some point I could influence him with a logic that would "win" and thus help his "human wisdom" move back toward Christ. However, two hours into the discussions God delivered to me a dramatic reminder, and that reminder was ... "you cannot influence him apart from the work of the Holy Spirit, not only working in John, but also working in you and any godly wisdom that comes out of your mouth".  As John was speaking and explaining a certain point, I prayed earnestly with eyes wide open that Holy Spirit would completely take me over along with what comes out of my mouth. I remember that was a point of relief as I finished the next two hours of discussions.

Whether or not you woke up one day with a important thought so intense you wondered why, or whether your sensed you experienced a remarkable reminder, let us all thank the deliverer of all phases of wisdom.

Let's fight the temptation to claim them for ourselves.

Reassurance of a Call

2 Peter 1 3-10  His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. .........

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive ........

Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, ........

Making your Calling and Election Sure.

Many Bible translations have the same heading ... "Making Your Calling and Election Sure". When you first read this, one might think that this was referring to significant church leaders or just pastors.  However, the call here is that everyone is called to His glory, goodness and godliness. Many other passages talk of how we can do that through exercising our spiritually gifts. This passage speaks of something that should precede our gifts. It speaks of glorifying Him through our goodness.

The call that I have in glorifying God is to shepherd, coach, encourage and challenge Christian leaders in what ever role they find themselves. Although we as Christians will never shed our sinful nature until we enter our heavenly home, God calls us to be set apart from the world. This actually means that our behavior should be set apart from worldly behavior. People need to see a difference when they encounter us. We need to feel a difference when we encounter each other. Not being set apart from the world's behavior destroys the reputation of Christ. Let me give you an example.

The company I own provides disaster services. Early in the 1990's I had an estimator named Sherry. She was an outstanding salesperson, energetic and effective. She grew up in a family that went to church but had move away from any connection with church or God. She saw what my life in Christ looked like and worked for me during my own major transformation toward Christ. We had many talks and one day I took her to lunch and shared the gospel in more detail using the very popular bridge illustration. On that day she told me she was not just not ready. Sherry liked to party.

Several months later we received a call from a prominent church in our area. The church is led by a pastor who is seen occasionally on TV today. They had a fire at the church and needed us. I sent Sherry to this fire damage to represent us. Hours later she came back, poked her head into my office and said. "Ron, if that is what Christianity is like, I want no part of it". Without waiting for my reply she walked away and went back to work. I sat there somewhat stunned.

After I gave her time to "cool off", she explained how badly she was treated. She told me of the arrogance of the people she met and the poor treatment she received. A few years later the pastor of this church had an emergency water damage in his own house and never paid his bill. Months later, my attorney told me that this pastor has many unpaid bills with many contractors, and those that know him well will not do business with him or this church. This pastor and this church may have a very public fancy ministry, but behind the scenes is behaving in a way that destroys the reputation of Christ. It grieved me then how it set back the development of Sherry, and who knows how many others.

We all need to balance the "call or vision" with the call to "goodness". Friends, I have been reassured of my election and call. Many of you have helped with that. My first and foremost call is for "his own glory and excellence". My secondary call is to glorify Him through business ventures and effective leadership development. When applicable, I must exhort those whose behavior has not been set apart from unbelievers. I (we) must balance our boldness with goodness. Jesus got aggressive with many people including church leaders. However Jesus is remembered more for his kindness than His aggressiveness. I wonder how he would have addressed the church that was arrogant toward Sherry. Leaders will never be salt and light if they continue to lead in darkness. 

Goodness should never be overshadowed by the vision. I would question the validity of your vision if where you are going overshadows the person in need in front of you. If that were the case, Jesus would have only preached the doom to come and never would have healed the sick or warned of the demise of those who would hurt little children.

We need to be bold with each other. Helping leaders by "admonishment with goodness" on the surface seems impossible. But it is not impossible. If it my call, it is not impossible.

So what is your call? Whatever it is remember this  ...... goodness first.

P.S,  Sherry continued to work for me for about a total of 10 years but later remarried the second husband she previously divorced and moved to be with him in Florida. Years later she called me to tell me that she had finally accepted Christ and was reading the Bible I gave her for Christmas every day. What joy I had that day on the phone with her!

When Things Look Fruitless

Many months ago I send a survey out. A few commented that I had become too personal by inserting too much of my own life experiences. One seemed so adamant that the person unsubscribed shortly thereafter. There were, of course, those who enjoyed the transparency and learned from it. I must admit that I need to be personal in order to teach on leadership. There is a false belief that to be a leader you must not do anything that makes others think you are weak or imperfect. That includes writing about it.

That is why I need to be blunt and say I cannot do what I do without being personal. For if I am to try to satisfy those who want information only and nothing personal, I will quit writing now. Over the last 15 years I have been told several times that I am a strong leader, and a good teacher who should have considered being a pastor. However, no one really knows how weak I really am. There is no doubt that I can relate to two Biblical characters. Peter for his boldness including his weaknesses, and Jeremiah for his lamenting and seemingly ineffectiveness as he warned God's people over and over again.

The Bible says you can recognize a good tree by its fruit. Good fruit, good tree, bad fruit, bad tree. This verse has caused me to think that God wants me to do what I do that bears fruit.  For the last two years the company I own and lead (www.portersnetwork.com) has increasing been bearing good fruit. Praise God for that. I feel my leadership in that has been effective. So when I ponder where to spend my time, this verse overpowers the Jeremiah in me and pushes my emphasis into business and to consider going "all in" to corporate life.

During the last two months of this journey, I came across 2 Peter 1: 4-8. I cannot escape my total devotion to this chapter. Its context is about "our calling".

Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. NIV

These verses are not about the effectiveness of unbelievers, or their organizations. Many unbelievers have effective products and businesses. This is talking about the 'effectiveness IN our knowledge of Christ'. That assumes we have Christ in our lives already and have a certain level of knowledge of him. As a businessman and ministerial, I see the application in both areas of my life. Since God has given me these gifts, I am "called to be effective" as my life demonstrates growth adding goodness to my faith, self-control to my knowledge ... and so on.  Preceding effectiveness is this requirement ... "if you possess these qualities in increasing measure".  That means ... leaders cannot stay where they are ... we must keep growing.

Think of it in terms of the fuel mileage of your car. Sometimes in winter, we do not notice our miles per gallon diminish until the tires lose so much air pressure, we realize they are going to go flat if we do not inflate them. Once inflated, we notice that our mileage increases and then actually realize the reason for it. On the one hand I am trying to choose the right seat on the right bus while checking my "tire pressure of godliness". On the other, I wonder if Jeremiah just needed to check his godliness, or whether he simply needed to persevere because of his calling. As one might imagine, it is an intense mental exercise.

I suspect many of you will agree that our flesh does not drive us into scripture when we get discouraged. On the contrary, our flesh drives us away. Fortunately, I have overcome my flesh enough to be challenged, somewhat sustained and somewhat comforted by this chapter. It contains a promise that I can have faith in. Right now, I am just trying to add to my life goodness and kindness. I will try to love those who are hard to love and continue to control my desire to throw in the towel.

Whether this is the last chapter in my "book" or whether it is simply a "crisis of belief" that every Christian leader goes through, I do not know yet. Yet I know I must write this to move on, wherever that leads.

There is an old saying. Misery loves company. Please know that I write this not to inflame the misery within you or to invite you to a pity party. I write this because ultimately I have confidence that there are many like me, who are not sure about what to do next. For now, I will focus on finding increasing measurements of godliness.

That party I do invite you to.